If you allow yourself to become more aware of chivalry, you'll start noticing more and more opportunities to put it on display.  The good news is that it offers men a low cost way to get noticed and admired.

Think about it... some men will dip deep into their bank accounts (or their credit lines) to spring for a fancy car, trendy clothes or expensive watch... largely in an effort to get noticed.  It's a never-ending challenge as they have to keep spending more money to stay ahead of everyone else who is doing the same things.  
Now there's nothing wrong with a beautiful car or great clothes and any man would want to look trig, but an astute guy will realize that how he behaves gets him noticed.  In today's world, chivalry is still so infrequent that it catches the eyes of others powerfully when it happens.  Social media is filled with posts and tweets from women who see it happening or receive it from a man.
It's not that the sole or even main purpose of offering chivalry is simply to get noticed.  That would be disingenuous, and sooner or later people would see through it.  But there's also nothing wrong with admitting that like many of the altruistic things we do as humans, some benefits ascribe to the doer.  So bask in the opportunity for the best aspects of your character to create the image you want. 
Man noticed by women
If you are looking to attract more women into your circle, you could take some of the money you'd spend on that extra-fancy car and put it into yourself.  Take chivalry lessons, learn proper etiquette, take a class on stage presence for making presentations... those things will cost less upfront and pay off much longer.

That will have a long-lasting effect that will outlive the car you buy and the latest trendy clothes.  And if you still want to enhance how you stand out in addition to your great character by also driving a better car or having a more eye-catching watch, more power to you.  Just don't make those the sole ways you look to stand out.

© 2015, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back

If you would like to share this article on your blog or other means, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:
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John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 24 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group. He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

 
 
When I began this site and this blog, I also created a presence on social media, on facebook, pinterest and twitter.  It's fun to connect with people and find out what they're thinking.  It's what I see on twitter that has me wondering about the state of the union in terms of men and women.
When I see posts about the positive nature of chivalry, or posts from women who ask where they might find men who offer it, responses often range from negative to outright vile.  I understand that the anonymous nature of comments on the Internet allow an unfiltered flood of comments, but that's precisely my point.  The unfiltered opinions as so hateful.  How come so many men hold on to a position where they approach life as if women are the enemy and are trying to take things away from men?
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Men will respond that women killed chivalry with their demands for equal rights, or that women walk all over guys who treat them nicely.  If they wrote it as a straightforward comment perhaps it could be of service in creating some dialogue but all too many comments devolve into calling women b**ches, h**s or worse.  It's with anger and hate that these men talk abut women.  So how do these men expect women to respond back?

Unless all these men are gay, which doesn't seem to be their case, it would seem that they would generally want to end up with a woman at some point in time for some sort of interaction.  If that's the theory, what does it say about these guys if they are chasing after these same people they consider to be b**ches or h**s?  If what you seek is so low on the scale, you are saying something about yourself and your own standards.


Woan yelling her position
Before this seems like a rant against men who have angry comments toward women, the fairer sex doesn't always uphold the highest approach either.  Posts from women will make vile accusations against men as well.  Some will use outright profanity when talking about men who don't offer chivalry to them.  Others will use profanity or other crass name-calling to berate men who want to offer chivalry to them. 

For the women who would like to receive some nicer treatment, how could using profanity in their questions possibly be seen as the ladylike behavior that would attract positive attention from a gentleman?  To me it shows a crass side that reveals an unpleasant and unattractive aspect of the woman's character.
For the women opposed to chivalry with the view that it demeans them, if the aim is to get men to understand, does telling them to crawl back under rocks engender men listening or just getting defensive?
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We live in times when there are all kinds of challenges for people, where relationships are not always easy to start or maintain, and where there are larger issues to life thnt whether a man opens a door for a woman.  Wouldn't both men and women benefit by seeing each other as parts of solutions and being able to come together in respectful and rational ways as opposed to retreating to opposing sides and resorting to warfare against the opposite gender?  We have many common reasons to want things better for each of us, why not see us as uniting instead of battling?

It's the only way things get better for both: for women and for men.
 
 
When it comes to chivalry, the gestures themselves are not really that complicated nor difficult.  They are small rituals that don't generally involve a lot of strength, a lot of time.  Yet in the day-to-day rush we often find ourselves it can get easy to overlook one. I do it myself more frequently than I'd like and I remain focused on becoming more consistent.  So what's the key?
It's important to remember that the things on which you focus expand. That goes for areas such as wealth and abundance, good health and so on.   And it relates to the attitude and perception you bring to your choices of behavior.

An awareness of the circumstances around you and sensing opportunities for chivalry will likewise deepen how much impact it has for you.  Giving it a notch more attention will likely lead to a bit more frequency with ease, develop better habits and result in more times that someone notices what we're doing by offering it.
The public notice is important because you aren't just doing chivalry for yourself.  It also has a ripple effect onto those around you.  Young men of today are faced with role models that don't always send the best messages.  Imagine how helpful it could be for positive behavior to get seen more broadly to counter some of that negative the kids are facing.

Furthermore, by increasing your awareness to notice opportunities you can be supportive and helpful in chivalrous ways will also strengthen your awareness of opportunities to be of service in ways beyond chivalry.  That takes the practice of chivalry from a nice gesture into a state-of-being that can add to any gentleman's self esteem and the way he is perceived by others.

So make a pledge to take a quick pause every so often when you're on your way to or from work or heading out on a date and bring your awareness up.  Watch how easy it gets.
 
 
List of resolutions
It's the time of year when all sorts of people are giving all sorts of advice for making New Year's resolutions.  The most common ones seem to be about losing weight and getting in shape.  Others have to do with being better organized, whether about things or about finances.  

How about a resolution for chivalry?

It's a great time to resolve to be more chivalrous in the coming year!  That can work for anyone at any range of the "chivalry spectrum'" (meaning whether you're already being chivalrous often or whether it would be a brand new concept for you).
Young gentleman opening door
If you're not already doing chivalry as a matter of course, how about a resolution to do just one gesture consistently?  Perhaps choose to offer to open doors for women, including opening her car door before you come around to the other side (and opening hers again when you arrive at your destination).  Another place to start may be offering to help her on with her coat.

If you're already doing some chivalrous gestures, how about a resolution to expand your repertoire?  When I started practicing, it wasn't as if I had all the possibilities nailed right off the bat.  I got good at opening doors and pulling out chairs, but it was a while later that I got into the habit of standing at the table when a woman rises.  There may be gestures that would add more style and distinctiveness to what you do.  Why not resolve to add them this year?

Woman standing on crowded train
It could even be to expand your gestures to more people.  Perhaps you're used to being chivalrous just to your girlfriend or wife.  Why not make this the year of offering chivalry to more women in public situations?  Perhaps resolve to be aware of offering your seat to a woman when she's standing on a crowded train or bus.  

If you want some ideas on ways you can be more chivalrous, drop me an email and we can schedule a chat to see what I may suggest for you!

So how about it: "I resolve to be more chivalrous in 2015."  Easier than you may think, and the results may be bigger than you realize. 
© 2014, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back
If you would like to share this article on your blog or other means, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:
Picture
John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 24 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group. He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

 
 
Pitcher throwing ball
If you're into sports, you've likely heard the term "short-arming the ball."  If not, what it means is not using a full extension of your arm when you are making a pitch, throwing a football etc.  The reason athletes want to avoid "short-arming" the ball is that it causes a loss in distance and velocity.  It's less effective.  Coaches will work with those athletes to help them get more extension and a greater range of motion in their throwing attempts, so they attain more speed and accuracy. 

There's an equivalent to short-arming when it comes to chivalry.  For some guys there's a degree of uncertainty.  Do they really want to do it?  Does she really want it?  Do I look too formal or out-of-place?  What ends up happening for some men is that they pull back and offer something that looks chivalrous but isn't fully extended.  That results in a gesture that looks awkward or not elegant, and it renders the act less effective.


 
 
A lot of times when the word "priorities" gets used, it focuses on business.  That seems to be where a lot of attention gets placed in terms of having a path to get things accomplished.  People will create action plans and strategies to implement steps.  There will be ongoing reviews of progress to make sure those priorities are being met.  It's all done to help provide a measurable path to success.
Less often that word comes up for people in their personal lives.  It's as if life is expected to sort of hum along.  and that we can throw our attention to things as they crop up.
Man labeling priority list
What if you were to give the same evaluation of priorities to your life?  How would things change?  And where would your main relationship (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend) fit in?

It is frequently heard that on people's deathbeds they express the wish that they had spent more time with family than on building their careers.  So why didn't they?  Could it be because on the job they got pulled into a line of thinking about priorities and goals that remained something on which they could focus?