When it comes to chivalry, the gestures themselves are not really that complicated nor difficult. They are small rituals that don't generally involve a lot of strength, a lot of time. Yet in the day-to-day rush we often find ourselves it can get easy to overlook one. I do it myself more frequently than I'd like and I remain focused on becoming more consistent. So what's the key?
It's important to remember that the things on which you focus expand. That goes for areas such as wealth and abundance, good health and so on. And it relates to the attitude and perception you bring to your choices of behavior.
An awareness of the circumstances around you and sensing opportunities for chivalry will likewise deepen how much impact it has for you. Giving it a notch more attention will likely lead to a bit more frequency with ease, develop better habits and result in more times that someone notices what we're doing by offering it.
The public notice is important because you aren't just doing chivalry for yourself. It also has a ripple effect onto those around you. Young men of today are faced with role models that don't always send the best messages. Imagine how helpful it could be for positive behavior to get seen more broadly to counter some of that negative the kids are facing.
Furthermore, by increasing your awareness to notice opportunities you can be supportive and helpful in chivalrous ways will also strengthen your awareness of opportunities to be of service in ways beyond chivalry. That takes the practice of chivalry from a nice gesture into a state-of-being that can add to any gentleman's self esteem and the way he is perceived by others.
So make a pledge to take a quick pause every so often when you're on your way to or from work or heading out on a date and bring your awareness up. Watch how easy it gets.
A lot of times when the word "priorities" gets used, it focuses on business. That seems to be where a lot of attention gets placed in terms of having a path to get things accomplished. People will create action plans and strategies to implement steps. There will be ongoing reviews of progress to make sure those priorities are being met. It's all done to help provide a measurable path to success.
Less often that word comes up for people in their personal lives. It's as if life is expected to sort of hum along. and that we can throw our attention to things as they crop up.
What if you were to give the same evaluation of priorities to your life? How would things change? And where would your main relationship (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend) fit in?
It is frequently heard that on people's deathbeds they express the wish that they had spent more time with family than on building their careers. So why didn't they? Could it be because on the job they got pulled into a line of thinking about priorities and goals that remained something on which they could focus?
You may see this and think: "Wait! Did I read that right? You're telling me you shouldn't be chivalrous? I thought that's what you've been telling me to be!"
It's all about the should. To practice chivalry is a choice. A choice for the man whether to offer the gesture and a choice for the woman as to whether to accept. When either feels that it should be done only because the other person demands it then the meaning behind the gesture has been lost. If chivalry is done without sincerity, what good is it?
I choose to practice chivalry because I want to! It's my choice.
If I offered acts of chivalry just because of some sense that I should, only because my wife or any woman asked me or expected it and made me feel bad if I didn't, what would it even mean to the woman? Because it's not about the gesture as something a woman physically requires. No woman I've met couldn't have opened that door herself. Put on her coat. Or pulled out her own chair at a restaurant. To offer chivalry isn't implying that a woman needs a man's help to do something she'd be unable to on her own. The whole point is the display of caring and respect that is the underpinning of the chivalrous gesture.
Valentine's Day is around the corner. And with it come all sorts of reminders to display affection, buy flowers, candy or other gifts. So much effort seems to go into thinking about it. And while it's a special day, cramming all your attention into that one day can make the rest of the time feel a bit flat.
Well, it's what you do the other 364 days that decides the strength of the foundation for your relationship with her. That goes whether you're married 23 years as I am, or you've been together just a few months. It even affects how women may notice you standing out from the vast crowd of men if you are searching for that special someone.