If you allow yourself to become more aware of chivalry, you'll start noticing more and more opportunities to put it on display.  The good news is that it offers men a low cost way to get noticed and admired.

Think about it... some men will dip deep into their bank accounts (or their credit lines) to spring for a fancy car, trendy clothes or expensive watch... largely in an effort to get noticed.  It's a never-ending challenge as they have to keep spending more money to stay ahead of everyone else who is doing the same things.  
Now there's nothing wrong with a beautiful car or great clothes and any man would want to look trig, but an astute guy will realize that how he behaves gets him noticed.  In today's world, chivalry is still so infrequent that it catches the eyes of others powerfully when it happens.  Social media is filled with posts and tweets from women who see it happening or receive it from a man.
It's not that the sole or even main purpose of offering chivalry is simply to get noticed.  That would be disingenuous, and sooner or later people would see through it.  But there's also nothing wrong with admitting that like many of the altruistic things we do as humans, some benefits ascribe to the doer.  So bask in the opportunity for the best aspects of your character to create the image you want. 
Man noticed by women
If you are looking to attract more women into your circle, you could take some of the money you'd spend on that extra-fancy car and put it into yourself.  Take chivalry lessons, learn proper etiquette, take a class on stage presence for making presentations... those things will cost less upfront and pay off much longer.

That will have a long-lasting effect that will outlive the car you buy and the latest trendy clothes.  And if you still want to enhance how you stand out in addition to your great character by also driving a better car or having a more eye-catching watch, more power to you.  Just don't make those the sole ways you look to stand out.

© 2015, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back

If you would like to share this article on your blog or other means, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:
Picture
John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 24 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group. He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

 
 
When I began this site and this blog, I also created a presence on social media, on facebook, pinterest and twitter.  It's fun to connect with people and find out what they're thinking.  It's what I see on twitter that has me wondering about the state of the union in terms of men and women.
When I see posts about the positive nature of chivalry, or posts from women who ask where they might find men who offer it, responses often range from negative to outright vile.  I understand that the anonymous nature of comments on the Internet allow an unfiltered flood of comments, but that's precisely my point.  The unfiltered opinions as so hateful.  How come so many men hold on to a position where they approach life as if women are the enemy and are trying to take things away from men?
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Men will respond that women killed chivalry with their demands for equal rights, or that women walk all over guys who treat them nicely.  If they wrote it as a straightforward comment perhaps it could be of service in creating some dialogue but all too many comments devolve into calling women b**ches, h**s or worse.  It's with anger and hate that these men talk abut women.  So how do these men expect women to respond back?

Unless all these men are gay, which doesn't seem to be their case, it would seem that they would generally want to end up with a woman at some point in time for some sort of interaction.  If that's the theory, what does it say about these guys if they are chasing after these same people they consider to be b**ches or h**s?  If what you seek is so low on the scale, you are saying something about yourself and your own standards.


Woan yelling her position
Before this seems like a rant against men who have angry comments toward women, the fairer sex doesn't always uphold the highest approach either.  Posts from women will make vile accusations against men as well.  Some will use outright profanity when talking about men who don't offer chivalry to them.  Others will use profanity or other crass name-calling to berate men who want to offer chivalry to them. 

For the women who would like to receive some nicer treatment, how could using profanity in their questions possibly be seen as the ladylike behavior that would attract positive attention from a gentleman?  To me it shows a crass side that reveals an unpleasant and unattractive aspect of the woman's character.
For the women opposed to chivalry with the view that it demeans them, if the aim is to get men to understand, does telling them to crawl back under rocks engender men listening or just getting defensive?
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We live in times when there are all kinds of challenges for people, where relationships are not always easy to start or maintain, and where there are larger issues to life thnt whether a man opens a door for a woman.  Wouldn't both men and women benefit by seeing each other as parts of solutions and being able to come together in respectful and rational ways as opposed to retreating to opposing sides and resorting to warfare against the opposite gender?  We have many common reasons to want things better for each of us, why not see us as uniting instead of battling?

It's the only way things get better for both: for women and for men.
 
 
List of resolutions
It's the time of year when all sorts of people are giving all sorts of advice for making New Year's resolutions.  The most common ones seem to be about losing weight and getting in shape.  Others have to do with being better organized, whether about things or about finances.  

How about a resolution for chivalry?

It's a great time to resolve to be more chivalrous in the coming year!  That can work for anyone at any range of the "chivalry spectrum'" (meaning whether you're already being chivalrous often or whether it would be a brand new concept for you).
Young gentleman opening door
If you're not already doing chivalry as a matter of course, how about a resolution to do just one gesture consistently?  Perhaps choose to offer to open doors for women, including opening her car door before you come around to the other side (and opening hers again when you arrive at your destination).  Another place to start may be offering to help her on with her coat.

If you're already doing some chivalrous gestures, how about a resolution to expand your repertoire?  When I started practicing, it wasn't as if I had all the possibilities nailed right off the bat.  I got good at opening doors and pulling out chairs, but it was a while later that I got into the habit of standing at the table when a woman rises.  There may be gestures that would add more style and distinctiveness to what you do.  Why not resolve to add them this year?

Woman standing on crowded train
It could even be to expand your gestures to more people.  Perhaps you're used to being chivalrous just to your girlfriend or wife.  Why not make this the year of offering chivalry to more women in public situations?  Perhaps resolve to be aware of offering your seat to a woman when she's standing on a crowded train or bus.  

If you want some ideas on ways you can be more chivalrous, drop me an email and we can schedule a chat to see what I may suggest for you!

So how about it: "I resolve to be more chivalrous in 2015."  Easier than you may think, and the results may be bigger than you realize. 
© 2014, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back
If you would like to share this article on your blog or other means, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:
Picture
John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 24 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group. He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

 
 
A lot of times when the word "priorities" gets used, it focuses on business.  That seems to be where a lot of attention gets placed in terms of having a path to get things accomplished.  People will create action plans and strategies to implement steps.  There will be ongoing reviews of progress to make sure those priorities are being met.  It's all done to help provide a measurable path to success.
Less often that word comes up for people in their personal lives.  It's as if life is expected to sort of hum along.  and that we can throw our attention to things as they crop up.
Man labeling priority list
What if you were to give the same evaluation of priorities to your life?  How would things change?  And where would your main relationship (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend) fit in?

It is frequently heard that on people's deathbeds they express the wish that they had spent more time with family than on building their careers.  So why didn't they?  Could it be because on the job they got pulled into a line of thinking about priorities and goals that remained something on which they could focus?


 
 
Sometimes things hit you between the eyes.  That happened for me recently when I attended an event at the Stamford Yacht Club.  The observation happened as I was going to the restroom!

At first it was just something I noticed.  But then I realized how
this one thing could have big repercussions.

What I saw on the door struck me.  The sign read 'Gentlemen.'  That's not the word you typically see on a restroom door nowadays.  Usually there's just the plain word "men."  Or in other cases the iconic avatar of an amorphous male figure so that words aren't even needed.  No, the word here was  'gentlemen.' 

 
 
Every so often on my twitter feed I read items from women with a strident tone demanding chivalry, and complaining when it’s missing.  To women who feel that way, my advice is to change your perspective so you start attracting more.
Man opening car door for woman
The very element of demanding it creates a dynamic that demeans the whole meaning behind it.  Chivalry brings with it a statement of a man considering women special and worthy of caring.  If all women want is the grunt work of having someone open the door for them or carry their bags or give up the seat on the subway, they are robbing it of the graciousness behind chivalry.   Just about any woman I know if fully capable of opening her own door, carrying her own bags and standing on a moving bus or train.  So it isn’t the physical need of having that door opened that a lady would want, it’s the meaning behind it.


 
 
The date.  You have a lot riding on it. Maybe it’s early in a new relationship and you want to really stand out and impress her, let her know you’re not a run-of-the mill guy.  Or maybe you’re a couple, always busy between work, kids, the house, and it’s one of those all too rare nights out to enjoy together.  Whatever your personal case it matters for the date to go well.
Think of how many dates you go on during your life.  If it’s just 10 a year, that’s anywhere from 400 to 600 dates.  Hopefully more.  Let’s say each one costs $100 on average, some more, some less.  That’s $40,000!  Of course, if some of those dates turn into "the real thing" they can become priceless.

Realize that if you're married the dating doesn't stop.  Great dates can keep the relationship better and make you both a touch happier so you stay together.  So those dates become worth however much a breakup and divorce could cost you.


Among all those dates, how many of them turn into simply another 'fine' but quickly forgotten time?  How many leave her feeling like the place was nice, the food was good but nothing stood out as memorable?


If the date isn’t memorable, how will you be?
Man helping wife with coat

 
 
Question mark
Single men are always wondering how to get the attention of women they'd like to meet.  Many sites offer all sorts of "magic" pick-up lines or "secret" seduction techniques.  They prey on the hopes of young guys (well, not always just young ones) who are often a bit shy and/or not necessarily blessed with model looks or a bodybuilder's physique.  What if the answer were simpler?
Last night I took my wife out for a drink after we'd had dinner with some friends. I felt like going to The Tilted Kilt to check it out.  It was a lively and loud Irish pub filled largely with young people.  Many men and some groups of women too.  The waitresses are dressed in kilts and tops that accentuate their figures (busboys wear kilts too).  We were treated by a very pretty and young waitress named Melissa who had a sweet smile and a great attitude.

As we were leaving I helped my wife off her chair (we were sitting at a high-top) and then helped her on with her coat.  Melissa walked back over to us to tell us we looked "adorable."  She said it's so rare to see couples treating each other the way my wife and I did.
A woman noticing you
It's always nice to get some reassurance that you're being noticed and appreciated.  I am happily married for more than 23 years and plan for many more; yet it's still a great feeling when you can place a smile on the face of any woman.  I've consistently seen this happen when practicing chivalry toward women I meet as well as when they see me being chivalrous with my wife.

Afterward I thought to myself 'how many of the young single men in this place would like to capture the attention of this young woman?' Or some other woman they'd like to meet?

 
 
You may see this and think: "Wait!  Did I read that right?  You're telling me you shouldn't be chivalrous?  I thought that's what you've been telling me to be!"
It's all about the should.  To practice chivalry is a choice.  A choice for the man whether to offer the gesture and a choice for the woman as to whether to accept.  When either feels that it should be done only because the other person demands it then the meaning behind the gesture has been lost.  If chivalry is done without sincerity, what good is it?
I choose to practice chivalry because I want to!  It's my choice.
If I offered acts of chivalry just because of some sense that I should, only because my wife or any woman asked me or expected it and made me feel bad if I didn't, what would it even mean to the woman?  Because it's not about the gesture as something a woman physically requires.  No woman I've met couldn't have opened that door herself.  Put on her coat.  Or pulled out her own chair at a restaurant.  To offer chivalry isn't implying that a woman needs a man's help to do something she'd be unable to on her own.  The whole point is the display of caring and respect that is the underpinning of the chivalrous gesture.

 
 
I've been reading lots of the blog posts, articles and some of the books that are written as guides for the gentleman of today.  So many of the pieces published seek to somehow remake chivalry into something different, or deny that it has a value or purpose in modern society.

There are viewpoints expressed that chivalry should be redefined as common courtesy and that it should be extended to everyone of either gender.  Of course we want to encourage politeness and courtesy to everyone (certainly our society can do with more of that).  However, eliminating the concept of chivalry in an attempt to fit into a bland same thing for everyone approach minimizes the value that it can have in the dealings between women and men.  It's as if in an effort to modernize, everything from the past is supposed to be discarded.