<![CDATA[Bring Chivalry Back - Blog]]>Sat, 24 Jun 2017 20:42:46 -0500Weebly<![CDATA[Chivalry as a Money-Saver]]>Sat, 01 Aug 2015 02:30:41 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2015/07/chivalry-as-a-money-saver.html If you allow yourself to become more aware of chivalry, you'll start noticing more and more opportunities to put it on display.  The good news is that it offers men a low cost way to get noticed and admired.

Think about it... some men will dip deep into their bank accounts (or their credit lines) to spring for a fancy car, trendy clothes or expensive watch... largely in an effort to get noticed.  It's a never-ending challenge as they have to keep spending more money to stay ahead of everyone else who is doing the same things.  
Now there's nothing wrong with a beautiful car or great clothes and any man would want to look trig, but an astute guy will realize that how he behaves gets him noticed.  In today's world, chivalry is still so infrequent that it catches the eyes of others powerfully when it happens.  Social media is filled with posts and tweets from women who see it happening or receive it from a man.
It's not that the sole or even main purpose of offering chivalry is simply to get noticed.  That would be disingenuous, and sooner or later people would see through it.  But there's also nothing wrong with admitting that like many of the altruistic things we do as humans, some benefits ascribe to the doer.  So bask in the opportunity for the best aspects of your character to create the image you want. 
Man noticed by women
If you are looking to attract more women into your circle, you could take some of the money you'd spend on that extra-fancy car and put it into yourself.  Take chivalry lessons, learn proper etiquette, take a class on stage presence for making presentations... those things will cost less upfront and pay off much longer.

That will have a long-lasting effect that will outlive the car you buy and the latest trendy clothes.  And if you still want to enhance how you stand out in addition to your great character by also driving a better car or having a more eye-catching watch, more power to you.  Just don't make those the sole ways you look to stand out.

© 2015, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back

If you would like to share this article on your blog or other means, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:
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John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 24 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group. He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

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<![CDATA[Two Dads -- Two Self-Made Gentlemen]]>Wed, 01 Jul 2015 01:51:29 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2015/06/two-dads-two-self-made-gentlemen.htmlCatello Di Capua
My father-in-law passed away suddenly today.  He'd been ill with bronchitis and general weakness but a heart attack came and took him.  Coming two months after my own father passed away, it feels like a lot of role model energy has been exiting my life, and I take it as a call to step up on my own and be even better as a man.

Rather than writing only about chivalry, I want to focus on a life lesson from these two very different men.  You see, each one of them had an upbringing that could have become an excuse to be less than their best, yet each of them made themselves into accomplished and generous men.  It shows that becoming a man of character isn't about one's circumstances but in the choices a man makes for himself.

Catello Di Capua was born near Napoli in Italy and had an impoverished beginning.  A young boy as World War II was taking place, the economic situation in southern Italy was rough, and he was already working full time by the age of 11.  Some of his early jobs included lugging heavy sacks of coal to people's basements, and even later in life he was working in printing plants that were costing him his hearing.
His mother had passed away when he was very young, and the situation at home wasn't the easiest for a boy to navigate. With that upbringing, it would be easy and understandable to curse the gods, throw up one's hands in despair and succumb to a struggling life.  But he chose a different path.  He wanted to make something of himself and ended up emigrating to Switzerland, to be able to offer his future wife a better future.  Even though they spoke no Swiss German, they settled in Bern and made it work.  This all came at a time when Italians were considered lower class, filth and unwelcome by many of the Swiss people, so nothing came easy.
Tina and Catello
Despite all that, Catello created a strong and prosperous family life, and made sure that he acted in ways he could be proud.  He raised three daughters and always provided a roof over their heads even if jobs had to be switched.  Once he was able to afford a car, he always kept it spotless, the same way he kept the house.  Yes, he was pristine about caring for the appearance of whatever he could -- it was a running amusing story that he kept a comb above a cabinet in the living room to make sure all the fringes on the rug were straight.  And that comb got frequent use; I even used it myself a few times when I would visit.

His three girls all got fine educations and his own marriage was a great one.  When I saw him and my mother-in-law together last month, I marveled at how they still enjoyed each other's company.  There were still smiles and affection openly shown after 54 years, even after all the physical problems he'd been having these last two years.  I wouldn't call him particularly chivalrous in terms of gestures.  His upbringing had been the traditional Southern Italian kind.  The husband's role is to provide and be served; the wife's is to serve him.  In a loving marriage, the roles are done out of love and not obligation; to the end, I witnessed how Tina loved taking care of him, cooking with him and looking to make sure things were right.  On his part there wasn't the overt chivalry of holding out chairs for her, standing when she rose, opening her car door and so on.  That doesn't take away from how he completely stepped into the role of good husband in their own traditions.

That all happened of his own will.  His upbringing was tough and callous.  He'd moved away from his family so didn't have close role models.  The odds were stacked against him succeeding in Switzerland.  Yet he found a way to become the kind of man that succeeded well beyond what you might have expected from a little Neapolitan kid who'd been forced into a hard life before he was a teenager.  That shows the power of a man making a strong, conscious and positive choice. 
My own father had different circumstances, although in many ways they were similar.  He was a teenager in Poland when world War II broke out.  His father was taken away from the family and never seen by them again, slaughtered in the Russian massacre of thousands of Polish men and soldiers at Katyn.  During the war, my father somehow got himself to England where he trained as a pilot with the Royal Air Force.  Again, a man in a country that wasn't his, where the language was foreign and opportunities scarce. 
Steve and Maria Rasiej
After the war, he got his degree, met and married my mother and then left England to embark for America, with no promise of any job or of a successful future.  He hit the pavement to get a job as an engineer.  Making ends meet was difficult and he even served as the building superintendent where they lived to help them make it.  Slowly and steadily he built a highly successful career working for the same firm for almost 40 years, while raising a family of five children in a beautiful house that he maintained like it was a jewel.  He also made himself into a man of gallantry, in terms of how he treated women.  He offered chivalry such as helping them on with their coats, kissing their hands to say goodbye and so on.  He found a way to do this despite having lost his own father as a role model way too young.

Yes, these men would seem so different in their approaches to some things, their languages and attitudes, yet they demonstrate something important for any man to realize:

What you become is completely your own choice.  Anything that may seem to hold you back doesn't stop you from overcoming it.  These two men are my proof that every man has it within himself to hone his own life, his own behavior and his own relationships for the better.

I am grateful to both of them, and the lessons they taught me, whether directly or by example. 

I will always miss you both.
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<![CDATA[What's with This Vile 'Men vs. Women' Attitude? Whom Does It Help?]]>Sun, 31 May 2015 17:36:32 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2015/05/whats-with-this-vile-men-vs-women-attitude-whom-does-it-help.htmlWhen I began this site and this blog, I also created a presence on social media, on facebook, pinterest and twitter.  It's fun to connect with people and find out what they're thinking.  It's what I see on twitter that has me wondering about the state of the union in terms of men and women.
When I see posts about the positive nature of chivalry, or posts from women who ask where they might find men who offer it, responses often range from negative to outright vile.  I understand that the anonymous nature of comments on the Internet allow an unfiltered flood of comments, but that's precisely my point.  The unfiltered opinions as so hateful.  How come so many men hold on to a position where they approach life as if women are the enemy and are trying to take things away from men?
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Men will respond that women killed chivalry with their demands for equal rights, or that women walk all over guys who treat them nicely.  If they wrote it as a straightforward comment perhaps it could be of service in creating some dialogue but all too many comments devolve into calling women b**ches, h**s or worse.  It's with anger and hate that these men talk abut women.  So how do these men expect women to respond back?

Unless all these men are gay, which doesn't seem to be their case, it would seem that they would generally want to end up with a woman at some point in time for some sort of interaction.  If that's the theory, what does it say about these guys if they are chasing after these same people they consider to be b**ches or h**s?  If what you seek is so low on the scale, you are saying something about yourself and your own standards.


Woan yelling her position
Before this seems like a rant against men who have angry comments toward women, the fairer sex doesn't always uphold the highest approach either.  Posts from women will make vile accusations against men as well.  Some will use outright profanity when talking about men who don't offer chivalry to them.  Others will use profanity or other crass name-calling to berate men who want to offer chivalry to them. 

For the women who would like to receive some nicer treatment, how could using profanity in their questions possibly be seen as the ladylike behavior that would attract positive attention from a gentleman?  To me it shows a crass side that reveals an unpleasant and unattractive aspect of the woman's character.
For the women opposed to chivalry with the view that it demeans them, if the aim is to get men to understand, does telling them to crawl back under rocks engender men listening or just getting defensive?
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We live in times when there are all kinds of challenges for people, where relationships are not always easy to start or maintain, and where there are larger issues to life thnt whether a man opens a door for a woman.  Wouldn't both men and women benefit by seeing each other as parts of solutions and being able to come together in respectful and rational ways as opposed to retreating to opposing sides and resorting to warfare against the opposite gender?  We have many common reasons to want things better for each of us, why not see us as uniting instead of battling?

It's the only way things get better for both: for women and for men.
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<![CDATA[The Elegance of Chivalrous Gestures]]>Wed, 29 Apr 2015 00:29:48 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2015/04/the-elegance-of-chivalrous-gestures.htmlK. Steve Rasiej 1926-2015
My father passed away this past Sunday.  That may seem like an odd way to start a blog post about chivalry but I hope you'll stay with me.

This was a man who was born in Poland, trained for the Royal Air Force in England during World War II after his homeland had been invaded and devastated, had married in London and then immigrated to the United States where he built a successful career as a professional electrical engineer, fathered three boys and two girls and lived a life of class and style.

When he was with women you could see there was an enjoyment of the grace and style that exuded class.  Once of the specific things I recall to this day is that at the end of dinner parties in our home, as he was saying goodbye to the guests, each woman got her hand kissed.  That moment always stood out as something special, and it was one of the things that set him apart.

The women always seemed to respond with the same kind of grace, and it gave each party a beautiful and memorable finishing touch of elegance.

That class and elegance were something you could see mattered to him.  It extended to the ballroom dancing he would do when attending a formal Polish ball, dressed to the nines.  The way he danced with my mother on the dance floor was always a loving pairing.  Yet it also extended to when he would dance with other women at the dances, including the young woman I escorted to some of these formal balls, his future daughter-in-law, my wife Luisa.


All those little touches made him stand out.  He was a model of classy behavior and could always be counted upon to make sure things were done as properly as can be.  I am grateful to have been able to see his focus on how to interact in public, something I am sure had to do with a European upbringing as well as coming to the U.S. in need of being able to succeed.

Chivalry isn't a stand-alone action, something separate from what defines a man, It's a choice and an extension of how he chooses to live his life.  How he chooses to treat others.  And as such how he chooses
to feel about himself.  It adds class and elegance to one's comportment and leaves a mark that's memorable.

Thanks, Tatu
ś, for instilling in me even a fraction of the strong character with which you lived.




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<![CDATA[Could Your Ego Use a Boost?  Here's a Quick Way!]]>Tue, 31 Mar 2015 19:53:07 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2015/03/could-your-ego-use-a-boost-heres-a-quick-way.htmlThumbs down
Let's face it.  Not every day is automatically ideal.  We're not always feeling at the top of our game.  When things get bogged down, our ego can take a bit of a hit.  Maybe we don't feel quite as fulfilled, successful and special as we'd like.  When that happens it can drag us down and keep us at less than our best, sometimes at a time when there's a big opportunity, whether it's a sales presentation that means business success, or wanting to ask out someone special for a date.  Rather than let that ego dip drag us down, wouldn't it be great to do something to build yourself back up?

Recently I was in New York City out at dinner with my wife before heading to a Broadway show.  We were dining next to a table of five women celebrating a birthday (coincidentally it was my wife's birthday as well).   The age range at their table was from the early 20s to the 50s.  My wife and the woman celebrating her birthday had a bit of conversation, congratulating each other, and we all returned to our own meals and celebrations.
As the other table started getting set to leave, I stood up to offer help the ladies with their coats.  The women took note of me rising when they did and it became the subject of excited discussion, sharing remarks on how pleasant it was for them to have a man stand from the table when women do, offer chivalry and how you rarely see it done any more.  The positive comments, smiles and exuberance came from all the women, so it wasn't simply the older women who may have remembered chivalry as a more common gesture.  Even the younger women responded with enthusiasm.
The attention was striking.  I was not looking for anything to happen with any of the women at the table, I am completely enamored with my wife, but the reaction gave me a stronger sense of being noticed.  Being appreciated.  Standing out from many of the other guys these women might encounter.  For lack of a better term, my ego felt puffed up.
It made me feel more self-assured on the spot, made me smile inside.  I was not looking for anything to "happen" with any of the women at the table, this wasn't any kind of come-on, I am completely enamored with my wife.  But the reaction gave me a stronger sense of being a distinctive gentleman, someone who stood out from the crowd of the many men out there these women encounter. 
That sense of standing out was a powerful elixir. I'd done something to brighten the day of some women I just happened to meet, and it ended up brightening my own.  When we left, I felt taller, walked with a bit more lilt in my step.  And found out I'd touched a sense of pride in me by my wife as well.
So when your ego could use a boost, when you're looking for something that'll give you more self-assurance, dip into your gestures of chivalry and offer some.  Whatever it does for the woman, it'll be just as flattering in the way you see yourself.
© 2015, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back

If you would like to share this article on your blog or other means, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:


John Rasiej
John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 24 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group. He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

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<![CDATA[Awareness Goes a Long Way]]>Fri, 27 Feb 2015 19:17:15 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2015/02/awareness-goes-a-long-way.htmlWhen it comes to chivalry, the gestures themselves are not really that complicated nor difficult.  They are small rituals that don't generally involve a lot of strength, a lot of time.  Yet in the day-to-day rush we often find ourselves it can get easy to overlook one. I do it myself more frequently than I'd like and I remain focused on becoming more consistent.  So what's the key?
It's important to remember that the things on which you focus expand. That goes for areas such as wealth and abundance, good health and so on.   And it relates to the attitude and perception you bring to your choices of behavior.

An awareness of the circumstances around you and sensing opportunities for chivalry will likewise deepen how much impact it has for you.  Giving it a notch more attention will likely lead to a bit more frequency with ease, develop better habits and result in more times that someone notices what we're doing by offering it.
The public notice is important because you aren't just doing chivalry for yourself.  It also has a ripple effect onto those around you.  Young men of today are faced with role models that don't always send the best messages.  Imagine how helpful it could be for positive behavior to get seen more broadly to counter some of that negative the kids are facing.

Furthermore, by increasing your awareness to notice opportunities you can be supportive and helpful in chivalrous ways will also strengthen your awareness of opportunities to be of service in ways beyond chivalry.  That takes the practice of chivalry from a nice gesture into a state-of-being that can add to any gentleman's self esteem and the way he is perceived by others.

So make a pledge to take a quick pause every so often when you're on your way to or from work or heading out on a date and bring your awareness up.  Watch how easy it gets.
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<![CDATA[How About a New Year's Resolution for Chivalry?]]>Wed, 31 Dec 2014 15:46:16 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2014/12/how-about-a-new-years-resolution-for-chivalry.htmlList of resolutions
It's the time of year when all sorts of people are giving all sorts of advice for making New Year's resolutions.  The most common ones seem to be about losing weight and getting in shape.  Others have to do with being better organized, whether about things or about finances.  

How about a resolution for chivalry?

It's a great time to resolve to be more chivalrous in the coming year!  That can work for anyone at any range of the "chivalry spectrum'" (meaning whether you're already being chivalrous often or whether it would be a brand new concept for you).
Young gentleman opening door
If you're not already doing chivalry as a matter of course, how about a resolution to do just one gesture consistently?  Perhaps choose to offer to open doors for women, including opening her car door before you come around to the other side (and opening hers again when you arrive at your destination).  Another place to start may be offering to help her on with her coat.

If you're already doing some chivalrous gestures, how about a resolution to expand your repertoire?  When I started practicing, it wasn't as if I had all the possibilities nailed right off the bat.  I got good at opening doors and pulling out chairs, but it was a while later that I got into the habit of standing at the table when a woman rises.  There may be gestures that would add more style and distinctiveness to what you do.  Why not resolve to add them this year?

Woman standing on crowded train
It could even be to expand your gestures to more people.  Perhaps you're used to being chivalrous just to your girlfriend or wife.  Why not make this the year of offering chivalry to more women in public situations?  Perhaps resolve to be aware of offering your seat to a woman when she's standing on a crowded train or bus.  

If you want some ideas on ways you can be more chivalrous, drop me an email and we can schedule a chat to see what I may suggest for you!

So how about it: "I resolve to be more chivalrous in 2015."  Easier than you may think, and the results may be bigger than you realize. 
© 2014, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back
If you would like to share this article on your blog or other means, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:
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John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 24 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group. He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

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<![CDATA[Is a "Thank You" mandatory? ]]>Mon, 01 Dec 2014 04:05:31 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2014/11/is-a-thank-you-mandatory.htmlWith the Thanksgiving season around, issues of gratitude come to the forefront.  I got to thinking a bit about the issue of a man being thanked for chivalry.  Is it mandatory on the part of the woman?  Desirable?  Helpful?  What should a gentleman do if thanks are not offered?  

I was recently interviewed on a BBC radio program hosted by popular host Graham Torrington, dealing with the issue of chivalry and whether it's dead. 
Graham mentioned that if he holds the door for a woman and she doesn't acknowledge the gesture he will sometimes call after her and say something to the effect of "the word you're looking for is 'thank you.' "  
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I've read tweets from men who express anger and claim they stop offering chivalry altogether because they offer it and women don't thank them.  Frankly I think it's an over-reaction if you stop a gentlemanly behavior toward all women just because of what some women do or don't do.   

I understand the sentiment and at times have felt a tinge of resentment myself for a chivalrous act not being acknowledged.  Yet I realize that if I am doing chivalry only for the acknowledgement I am losing some of the value of it.  A gesture or gift of any kind is at its most value if it's offered without any expectation of receiving something in return.  It builds me up on the inside, giving me a boost in confidence and self-esteem.  I've held that chivalry isn't meant to be a pick-up technique and that it can't be offered just to try and get a date or to make a sexual encounter more likely.  That would make the whole thing smarmy.  So taking it a step further, it also doesn't come with a requirement that a woman say thank you.

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That being said, many women DO say thank you when it's offered to them.  And some will even include a thank you even if they are declining the gesture.  The more courtesy we engender, the brighter everyone's day can get.  I can't see how it could hurt a situation for a woman to say this to a man.  That doesn't mean she has to.  But if women want to see more of chivalry, it would seem logical that they'd want to let men know it's noticed and appreciated.

Yet I would proffer that it doesn't help the man to respond with a snarky comment or to carry the resentment with him.  That seething feeling only eats away at the man and will likely have no effect on the woman.  If after such a remark she does then respond with the thanks, the man doesn't know if it's sincere or done out of guilt or for the purpose of avoiding further confrontation.  So the thanks isn't all that meaningful.  And if she doesn't respond with thanks, it likely increases the man's frustration, further ruining his day.  How can that be to his benefit?  Smug satisfaction of having somehow "won" by shaming the woman into offering thanks will have robbed his action of its nobility.

My advice is to take it as an occurrence and not color it as good or bad.  That woman just gave you a glimpse into her character, not the character of all women.  If you were thinking of approaching her to chat you now know a bit more about her and may choose to go a different way.  And it will help you realize that the women who do go out of their way to thank you are giving you the same kind of respect and courtesy you were offering them.  Because it comes from the heart and not from obligation.
© 2014, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back
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If you would like to reprint this article, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:


John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 23 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group.He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

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<![CDATA[Go All the Way!]]>Fri, 31 Oct 2014 21:00:07 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2014/10/go-all-the-way.htmlPitcher throwing ball
If you're into sports, you've likely heard the term "short-arming the ball."  If not, what it means is not using a full extension of your arm when you are making a pitch, throwing a football etc.  The reason athletes want to avoid "short-arming" the ball is that it causes a loss in distance and velocity.  It's less effective.  Coaches will work with those athletes to help them get more extension and a greater range of motion in their throwing attempts, so they attain more speed and accuracy. 

There's an equivalent to short-arming when it comes to chivalry.  For some guys there's a degree of uncertainty.  Do they really want to do it?  Does she really want it?  Do I look too formal or out-of-place?  What ends up happening for some men is that they pull back and offer something that looks chivalrous but isn't fully extended.  That results in a gesture that looks awkward or not elegant, and it renders the act less effective.

I've witnessed this happening at restaurants as I've watched a man "sort of" hold out a chair for his date.  Instead of standing fully behind the chair, pulling it out for the woman to step in and then pushing it in as she sat, the man stood at the side of the chair and with one hand pulled it at an angle and then tried to straighten it as she sat.  It looked somewhat awkward and gave the impression he wasn't sure whether or how to hold out the chair.  It was as if he was caught in limbo.  So instead of looking confident and proud, he looked unsure.  It lost the positive edge the gesture can convey.

It was the chivalry equivalent of short-arming the ball. 

And by the way, ladies, there's something you may be doing in this regard as well.  I have often seen women respond to having the chair held out for them with a move that is less than elegantly feminine.  I'm not talking about rejecting the gesture.  What I've seen many women do as that as they step in between the chair and table they will start to crouch as if they are waiting to be sure the chair is in place for them to finish sitting.  What this does is leave the woman in an awkward position of looking frozen in a position that may seem like a frog's.  It isn't the most graceful way, and it comes across as awkward uncertainty.
Man pushing chair in for woman
So what's the elegant way of doing it, off getting that full extension and delivering a pitch that's effective?  Choose to play it full out.  The gentleman stands fully behind the chair and pulls it back from the table to allow the woman space to stand between it and the table.  Once she is standing there, gently push the chair in, allowing it to softly tap the back of her leg.  Ladies, that is your signal to sit down gracefully.  One the woman is seated, the gentleman gently pushes the chair in closer to the table so that the woman is at the right distance to enjoy her meal.   Depending on the chair and floor, a lady may need to lighten her pressure sitting on the chair for the man to be able to push it in.

If you want to add the flourish of taking her napkin (especially if it's been folded and sits inside one of the glasses), that can add even more flair if you like.  But whether you do that or not, allow the chair-holding "dance" between the man and the woman to happen in a way that fits the atmosphere you want to enhance.

An attraction of chivalry is the genteel elegance of it and the way it takes a routine moment and dresses it up.  Rather than "short-arming" it, go all the way!


© 2014, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back
If you would like to reprint this article, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:
John Rasiej
John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 23 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group.He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.

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<![CDATA[Your Priorities Can Make Your Relationship -- Or Break It]]>Tue, 30 Sep 2014 16:25:37 GMThttp://bringchivalryback.com/1/post/2014/09/your-priorities-can-make-your-relationship-or-break-it.htmlA lot of times when the word "priorities" gets used, it focuses on business.  That seems to be where a lot of attention gets placed in terms of having a path to get things accomplished.  People will create action plans and strategies to implement steps.  There will be ongoing reviews of progress to make sure those priorities are being met.  It's all done to help provide a measurable path to success.
Less often that word comes up for people in their personal lives.  It's as if life is expected to sort of hum along.  and that we can throw our attention to things as they crop up.
Man labeling priority list
What if you were to give the same evaluation of priorities to your life?  How would things change?  And where would your main relationship (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend) fit in?

It is frequently heard that on people's deathbeds they express the wish that they had spent more time with family than on building their careers.  So why didn't they?  Could it be because on the job they got pulled into a line of thinking about priorities and goals that remained something on which they could focus?

I recommend right now taking a look at where you prioritize your relationship.  Ask yourself precisely how important it is to you.  Realize all the elements that come with it, be it a sense of security, having someone attentive to your needs, a feeling of belonging, physical touch, enjoyment and so on.  Your relationship should not be some amorphous concept but a very real and practical part of your life.
To help prioritize it, realize its value to you.  You can look at that in several ways.  The emotional value of course, but there is also a practical value -- what would it cost you if that relationship ceased to exist?  What would a divorce cost if your relationship fades over the years?  How much more do you have in assets because you have been able to maintain a home together?   What's the cost of eating out as opposed to having meals prepared at home?  You see, when you think of your relationship being valuable, it can come down to some tangible thoughts and not simply emotional romantic things that may fade when compared to making money at your career.
Take time for what matters
Taking this crucial eye to your life priorities and seeing where it stacks up can make or break your relationship.  It will help you make decisions.  After all, the whole point of priorities is a recognition that you can't be working on everything all the time.  That goes for priorities in a workplace and at home.  Getting clear on how you prioritize your relationship can make a difference in the actions you take, whether it's whether to stay up and watch TV after your spouse has gone to sleep, how much focus to give to having date nights, how and where to vacation and so on. 

It even goes to the priority you give to chivalry.  Is she worth those extra moments it takes to walk around the car and open her door?  To come up to the front door to pick her up rather than text her from the car?  To share more of an umbrella to keep her dry even if you get a bit wet in the process?

Get that priority clear in your head, and then do what it takes to meet it.
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