Valentine's Day is around the corner.  And with it come all sorts of reminders to display affection, buy flowers, candy or other gifts.  So much effort seems to go into thinking about it.  And while it's a special day, cramming all your attention into that one day can make the rest of the time feel a bit flat.

Well, it's what you do the other 364 days that decides the strength of the foundation for your relationship with her.  That goes whether you're married 23 years as I am, or you've been together just a few months.  It even affects how women may notice you standing out from the vast crowd of men if you are searching for that special someone.

Women are yearning for a sense of ongoing caring in their relationship with you, along with a sense of security.  They also want to know that your intent is sincere and comes from your heart.

Being able to give someone a bouquet of roses or some other display of love on a day that's marketed for that may well be appreciated, but does it give your woman a deep certainty that you are doing it completely of your own volition?  Or does she wonder at some level whether you are doing it because you're somewhat obliged?  Or that you might have forgotten altogether if there hadn't been outside pressures?
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If instead you fill all the year with gestures that underscore your caring for her, gestures that put your caring on display, she will see and feel your affection as the constant on which she can depend.  It will mean more by having your appreciation for her expressed frequently, with reminders picking up her spirits over and over again.

We men don't want to do this out of a feeling of obligation, that it's our duty.  Rather, we want to do it because of what it does for us as well.  If we are in a relationship that  feels good, we've invested in it, including our time, our feelings, our trying to understand how to make it work, and even the money we've spent.  We want that good relationship to last, don't we?  We want it to be secure, not to worry that it's going to slowly fade and perhaps end up in divorce court or just hanging together in a dull alliance as we age.  We want to know that our companion will want to be there and help care for us as we get old.
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Here's what I suggest this Valentine's Day.  Yes, go for the roses, the dinner, the box of chocolates or whatever you had planned.  AND make this the Valentine's Day that will always be remembered.  Draw a line in the sand and make a pledge of a different kind.  Pledge to create each day some display of affection that shows her the spirit is alive.

Introduce Chivalry into your relationship.  Most women yearn for public and overt displays of your caring.  Open every door for her each and every time (car doors and building doors).  I can't begin to tell you how many women respond with appreciation from that single act.  I see it all the time on my twitter feed, and I have even had women pull their car over in a parking lot and tell me how great it is when they see me opening the passenger door for my wife.
There are plenty of other ways to introduce Chivalry, even as soon as that evening out on Valentine's Day.  Pick her up at the door, not via a text from inside the car.  Help her off with her coat when you arrive at the restaurant,  Hold out her seat when you both reach the table.  Make sure the wait staff serves her first.  Stand if she gets up to leave the table.

Make this the Valentine's Day that turns everything around.  The way it changes the rest of your year and perhaps the rest of your life will make it worth it.
 


Comments

Shannon
02/02/2014 5:20pm

This is great advice and holds very true for how I feel. I hope a lot of men get a chance to realize that is is all about the other 364 days and that it really is the little things that keep us fulfilled and wanting to give back even more to the man in our life. Thanks John for posting this!

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Thanks for the feedback, Shannon, and I'm glad it resonates with you. If men realized how much of a difference it makes not just for the woman but also how it impacts themselves so many more could realize the value of making this part of their behavior. I know it's made a big difference in my life.

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