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Single men are always wondering how to get the attention of women they'd like to meet.  Many sites offer all sorts of "magic" pick-up lines or "secret" seduction techniques.  They prey on the hopes of young guys (well, not always just young ones) who are often a bit shy and/or not necessarily blessed with model looks or a bodybuilder's physique.  What if the answer were simpler?
Last night I took my wife out for a drink after we'd had dinner with some friends. I felt like going to The Tilted Kilt to check it out.  It was a lively and loud Irish pub filled largely with young people.  Many men and some groups of women too.  The waitresses are dressed in kilts and tops that accentuate their figures (busboys wear kilts too).  We were treated by a very pretty and young waitress named Melissa who had a sweet smile and a great attitude.

As we were leaving I helped my wife off her chair (we were sitting at a high-top) and then helped her on with her coat.  Melissa walked back over to us to tell us we looked "adorable."  She said it's so rare to see couples treating each other the way my wife and I did.
A woman noticing you
It's always nice to get some reassurance that you're being noticed and appreciated.  I am happily married for more than 23 years and plan for many more; yet it's still a great feeling when you can place a smile on the face of any woman.  I've consistently seen this happen when practicing chivalry toward women I meet as well as when they see me being chivalrous with my wife.

Afterward I thought to myself 'how many of the young single men in this place would like to capture the attention of this young woman?' Or some other woman they'd like to meet?
What gets a man attention and interest in finding out more about him it isn't through a pick-up line that's supposed to be foolproof.  Nor a secret seduction technique.  And not that there's anything wrong with driving a great car or having an expensive watch but it's something beyond that.  What captivates attention is behaving in a way women notice and appreciate.  Women see that and want to know more of what's under the surface.  Chivalry is something not many guys are doing, which is precisely why it makes a particular guy stand out when he does.
How do I know it works?  Listen, I am no hideous looking guy but I am not one of those "lookers" who would make women swoon just by walking into a room.  But I sure got Melissa to smile and comment on how nice it was.  Plus I've been at lots of conferences and meetings with women and heard the same kinds of things from many of them.  I recall once in a parking lot when my wife and I were leaving a restaurant I had opened the passenger door for her to get it.  A woman in her car in the parking lot stopped her car and remarked how wonderful it was to see.  Guys, women really notice these things!  So if you want a woman to notice you, here are seven simple secrets:
- Open doors.  This is the one that draws the most frequent comments on my twitter feed about chivalry.  More than a few women have written that they find this "sexy."
- If you have a seat somewhere and you see a woman standing because there aren't any free seats available, offer to stand and give her yours.  That goes for trains and buses, at a crowded bar etc.
- If you see a woman taking off her coat, or starting to leave and putting her coat on, offer to help her with it.  I have definitely gotten a few smiles doing this.
- If you hear a woman say she's chilly, offer her your jacket.  Outfits worn by some women may not keep them warm if the bar is a bit chilly and something that simple can make her evening a bit nicer.  I did that recently at a conference where a number of us has gathered to keep the meeting going and when I offered my jacket when one of the women mentioned it was getting cold, she was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the discussions.
A note to remember: just offer these gestures as a courtesy, it's always up to the woman whether to choose to accept or not.  Some women may prefer to put on their own coats or not take a seat; your offer doesn't mean you're implying they're incapable of opening doors on their own, it's just a courtesy.
- Smile and have a great attitude.  What woman would want to get drawn to someone who appears miserable?  You can always choose to be happy in that moment.
Picture
- Find something complimentary to say.  You can chose something that is not provocative nor seem too forward.  Talking about pretty eyes, a nice hair color or the color of a dress doesn't mean you are launching into a pick-up mode, it can be a simple gesture meant to make her feel appreciated just for being herself.
- Don't be crass, vulgar or offensive.  Today's society is filled with music lyrics that call women some nasty things.  I'll leave it up to you whether there's a place for that, but in most personal encounters, something crass will make a woman wonder what else is in your behavior. 
If you're looking to meet a woman, make this your code of conduct and you'll get the same kind of attention I did.  Once the ice is broken, who knows where things may lead?
 


Comments

Mike
05/01/2014 8:52am

I had to double check and make sure this wasn't a parody site. Today women file 70% of all divorces and it's not because their husbands are unfeeling Oafs, have abused them or gambled/drank away the mortgage money. It's because they are bored with their predictable life, dependable donkey husbands and ponder at 40 "Is this all there is?". The world is full of men who have done everything you suggest and had their wives of 20 + years run off and "Affair Down" with the Billy Bass Player or Harley McbadBoy. Women may claim they want this type Prince Charming treatment in polite company, but if that was true "50 Shades of Grey" would not be one of the best selling book series in modern times....

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AmicusC
05/05/2014 3:18pm

I highly doubt that waitress was anything close to a lady. I am also curious, as this blog doesn't state, what if anything women have done to deserve chivalry?

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05/05/2014 5:11pm

Thanks for posting your comment, Amicus. As far as the waitress, I know of no reason to presume she's anything less than a lady. As far as women deserving chivalry, I think that comes down to a basic question of how a man feels about women. If you appreciate them you want to do something that makes them smile and appreciate you a bit more. If you view women as the enemy or that we're in competition, then perhaps a different frame of mind is what you will bring to the encounter.

05/05/2014 5:07pm

Thanks for posting a comment, Mike. The world if full of all kinds of men and women, certainly there are some women who will gravitate toward a "bad boy." Most of the women I meet aren't looking for that as a permanent solution. If they are getting to the is that all there is?" state, it's often because things have just gotten stale -- not that their husbands are abusing them or gambled away savings are are even unfeeling oafs. Over time we all tend to take anything for granted and it loses its pizazz. Introducing chivalry as one change to respark things can refresh the dynamic and increase the ongoing awareness of appreciating each other. It won't save a doomed relationship but might cause an "OK" one to turn better. As far as 50 Shades of Grey, there's nothing about chivalry in public that would keep people from having whatever kind of relationship matters to them in private. One thing has nothing to do with the other.

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04/16/2015 8:38am

What women say in polite company is very very different from what they do in real life. They might claim that obsequious and supplicating behavior from a man is a turn on but they respond positively to the charismatic and cocky PUA guys. Do all women do this? Of course not. But the vast majority do. Frankly, chivalry is for suckers and chumps who will never meet their relationship goals. Here's the bottom line: Ignore most of what women say. Respond to what they do.

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07/24/2015 1:08pm

Thanks for the comment and sharing your opinion. I am glad you noted that not all women (nor all men) behave a certain way or respond to the same things. That's precisely my point. How you choose to behave relates to the type of person you seek to attract. I've written about this elsewhere in my blog, about women who complain there's no chivalry but are out chasing hot wild guys, or men who want a woman of refinement but are chasing women who are more interested in their own looks. It's no different than someone who wants to get a good job going in to a job interview well-dressed, polite and polished. if you want a solid relationship with someone of a strong character, then the signs other than surface looks, driving a hot car, drinking like crazy etc. will make the quality of a person stand out.

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The Mingle Master
11/11/2015 8:30am

Great post. I definitely think quality women appreciate a chivalrous gentleman. The problem comes when the man takes it too far and becomes a kiss up. That's not the point of it.

I think women often like bad boys because these guys are strong and confident and they don't worship them. They just put up with the badness because these other qualities are so attractive. So be strong AND chivalrous and you will give them the best of both worlds.

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05/11/2016 3:54am

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06/02/2016 8:50am

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Yeah, really, who knows where things may lead?

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07/30/2016 2:44am

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08/06/2016 10:18pm

I agree with most of what you said. Chivalry, when done properly and consistently will get you female attention.

Not just female attention but the RIGHT female attention.

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09/26/2016 2:42pm

Great post.
Thanks fro sharing such a great content

I definitely think quality women appreciate a chivalrous gentleman.

The problem comes when the man takes it too far and becomes a kiss up. That's not the point of it.

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