With the Thanksgiving season around, issues of gratitude come to the forefront.  I got to thinking a bit about the issue of a man being thanked for chivalry.  Is it mandatory on the part of the woman?  Desirable?  Helpful?  What should a gentleman do if thanks are not offered?  

I was recently interviewed on a BBC radio program hosted by popular host Graham Torrington, dealing with the issue of chivalry and whether it's dead. 
Graham mentioned that if he holds the door for a woman and she doesn't acknowledge the gesture he will sometimes call after her and say something to the effect of "the word you're looking for is 'thank you.' "  
I've read tweets from men who express anger and claim they stop offering chivalry altogether because they offer it and women don't thank them.  Frankly I think it's an over-reaction if you stop a gentlemanly behavior toward all women just because of what some women do or don't do.   

I understand the sentiment and at times have felt a tinge of resentment myself for a chivalrous act not being acknowledged.  Yet I realize that if I am doing chivalry only for the acknowledgement I am losing some of the value of it.  A gesture or gift of any kind is at its most value if it's offered without any expectation of receiving something in return.  It builds me up on the inside, giving me a boost in confidence and self-esteem.  I've held that chivalry isn't meant to be a pick-up technique and that it can't be offered just to try and get a date or to make a sexual encounter more likely.  That would make the whole thing smarmy.  So taking it a step further, it also doesn't come with a requirement that a woman say thank you.

That being said, many women DO say thank you when it's offered to them.  And some will even include a thank you even if they are declining the gesture.  The more courtesy we engender, the brighter everyone's day can get.  I can't see how it could hurt a situation for a woman to say this to a man.  That doesn't mean she has to.  But if women want to see more of chivalry, it would seem logical that they'd want to let men know it's noticed and appreciated.

Yet I would proffer that it doesn't help the man to respond with a snarky comment or to carry the resentment with him.  That seething feeling only eats away at the man and will likely have no effect on the woman.  If after such a remark she does then respond with the thanks, the man doesn't know if it's sincere or done out of guilt or for the purpose of avoiding further confrontation.  So the thanks isn't all that meaningful.  And if she doesn't respond with thanks, it likely increases the man's frustration, further ruining his day.  How can that be to his benefit?  Smug satisfaction of having somehow "won" by shaming the woman into offering thanks will have robbed his action of its nobility.

My advice is to take it as an occurrence and not color it as good or bad.  That woman just gave you a glimpse into her character, not the character of all women.  If you were thinking of approaching her to chat you now know a bit more about her and may choose to go a different way.  And it will help you realize that the women who do go out of their way to thank you are giving you the same kind of respect and courtesy you were offering them.  Because it comes from the heart and not from obligation.
© 2014, John Rasiej, Bring Chivalry Back

If you would like to reprint this article, you may reprint it only in its entirety, include the photo and the following attribution:

John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back™ for the purpose of enhancing the quality and enjoyment of relationships by men and women. He rediscovered the value of chivalry several years ago and has been practicing it both in his marriage of 23 years as well as when he's been among groups made up largely of women. Chivalry and similar gestures resulted in a more satisfying marital relationship and life, and also helped him stand out to many women in those group.He now shares the value of chivalry with more men and couples so they too can have happier results. You can follow him and get a special report how to deepen relationships and attract a woman's admiration at BringChivalryBack.com.  You can follow him on twitter at @YesToChivalry.



12/10/2014 10:05am

I don't think that acts of kindness are limited to men. I, for one, hold open doors for anyone who follows me. It is nice to hear a thank you...but, if it isn't forthcoming, I know there it isn't about me but, rather, about them. I do it for me, not for the 'thanks."

12/10/2014 3:33pm

Thanks, Lilia. I certainly agree that kindness and courtesy are not gender specific, though I would categorize chivalry as a subset that is. But the principles of the thank you for an act of kindness are the same. It's nice to get the appreciation but that isn;t the reason you did it in the first place.

04/01/2017 5:54am

Force Factor VolcaNO to stimulate gains in muscle size strength endurance boom power and speed restoration from workouts. creative is also one of the maximum Force Factor VolcaNO nicely researched bodybuilding dietary supplements.


12/10/2014 2:36pm

I agree with your point, John. I see being courteous (that's what it is to me) as a statement of your own character, rather than a request for a particular direct response. And like Lilia said, I do my best to behave as I'd like others to behave, however I don't chastise them. Well, except for my children:).

12/10/2014 3:35pm

Thank you, Lori! :-) Yes, looking at it that way is a more self-empowering way, that it's about expressing your own character and what counts most is how you feel about yourself.

04/03/2017 6:16am

Ultimate Alpha Extreme your plastic health care provider have to be capable of solution your questions intelligently and give you reassurance that they're skilled Ultimate Alpha Extreme enough to finish the process.these herbal breast enhancement capsules.


02/07/2015 5:28pm

i believe the giver and the receiver, regardless of gender and context, would have a better experience or exchange if both act from their highest self... holding resentment because a gesture is not appreciated defeats the whole purpose. let's bring all around niceness back. thank you for your work john!

02/15/2015 7:31am

Thanks, Emma. That's definitely the point. The giving of a gesture (not just chivalry but any act of kindness, any real gift) carries with it an inherent benefit to the giver such as feeling better about himself or herself. If a man can walk away from a chivalrous gesture with his self-esteem strengthened and a bit more bounce to his step, that's enough regardless of whether a woman says thank you or not -- although a thank you can still go a long way in building a cycle of continuity.


Ultimate Alpha Extreme the breast increase capsules provide a non-surgical option to attaining fuller and more impregnable lady breast. Ultimate Alpha Extreme breast enhancement capsules that usually include a balanced aggregate of safe herbal components are perfect.


02/28/2015 8:15am

I have been examinating out some of your stories and i can state pretty nice stuff. I look forward your next article

01/19/2016 3:28am

We shoul be more thanksgiving!)

04/16/2016 12:45am

It is a good advice to take it as an occurrence and not color it as good or bad!

04/05/2017 6:17am

Andronite Enhanced this is very true with many broadcasting pills for asthma the sure steroid preparations or with some other medications that may comprise caffeine. Andronite Enhanced communicate to your clinical practitioner about whether or not any medicinal drugs.


04/17/2016 9:34am

If there is no faith and trust then I don’t think so that the chivalry formula will be work. First of all you have to find out all the things which make the relationships stronger then try this one technique. Be brave not afraid.

09/20/2016 7:18am


04/06/2017 8:00am

Endovex must then increase both the girth and period of the penis even inside the flaccid country. this in turn will assist you keep an erection and growth $exual stamina. Endovex a few studies has proven.


04/07/2017 4:31am

manabadi ssc results 2017
According to reports from the KSEEB board which was released by Minister in Karnataka State Kimmane Rathnakar, 79.16% students have cleared the examination.

Karnataka 10th class sslc results 2017

04/07/2017 6:55am

Ripped Max Muscle all and sundry wants to get better. humans love to peer improvements to satisfy their goals to interrupt through plateaus to exceed their personal expectancy. Ripped Max Muscle that is specially genuine with regards to weight lifting or athletic education.


04/10/2017 7:28am

Xtreme Exo-Test a amazing deal of muscle mass in a quick time. additionally muscles and energy are not continually at once associated and power lifting Xtreme Exo-Test will increase energy which makes it less difficult to do the sports.


04/11/2017 6:18am

Skin Novela the baking soda and castor oil together to shape a paste and use it on the pores and skin tag frequently during the day. inside weeks you have to see your Skin Novela skin tag dry up and fall off.one word of warning.


04/13/2017 6:49am

Ultra Boost Force the quantity of muscle for your frame the health of your body or what you notice within the mirror while you're taking off your shirt.your current fitness degree Ultra Boost Force might be a massive element in determining what weight you may begin with.


04/14/2017 8:42am

Dermabellix we also want to consume a balanced diet and introduce activities like swimming and cycling in our ordinary. best this way can we dispose of untimely Dermabellix wrinkles and dryness of the pores and skin completely.


04/17/2017 6:26am

Endovex it enables in generating repairing cells and enhancing the reproductive device in adult males. nutritional dietary supplements containing zinc can also be a Endovex very good idea.potassium is also an powerful mineral.


04/19/2017 6:17am

Avalure the ingredients which you consume will contribute on your ordinary health and that consists of the fitness of the biggest organ you have your skin. when you Avalure have a healthy weight loss program your pores and skin.


04/20/2017 5:45am

Garcinia Shaping Pro however they are much like what you would discover for your neighborhood phone book. frequently times you simplest get the name cope with and telephone Garcinia Shaping Pro quantity of a weight loss middle.


04/22/2017 5:59am

Alpha Male EX your fitness will no longer be compromised once you begin taking this herbal urge for food supplement. if something it offers an opportunity to lose Alpha Male EX weight in a secure and uncompromising manner.


04/25/2017 8:52am

Zytek XL much less and less estrogen until it ceases completely. that is one of the variations among what men go through and what ladies go through a man s Zytek XL frame will in no way prevent producing testosterone.


04/26/2017 6:21am

Primalx inside minutes she will get a listing of abortion clinics in her province. because of valuable web sites like she gets to recognize the physicians available in a Primalx particular health facility also. the facilities listed within.


04/28/2017 6:13am

Advanced Lash however summer is a time to exit and flaunt your stunning skin outdoors and this necessitates very considerable use of the sunscreen. Advanced Lash choose a sunscreen that has an spf of as a minimum 30.


04/29/2017 6:23am

Chantel St Claire the identical effects for all varieties of pores and skin. there are of route those with oily skin and others with dry skin. then there are those with oily Chantel St Claire pores and skin that dries out without problems after treating the skin for blemishes.


05/02/2017 8:59am

Phallyx for the frame and is readily to be had with out a prescription. ore xis makes use of herbs that counteract the rigorous procedure of digestion Phallyx so that a majority of the substances are not watered down via the gut acids.


05/03/2017 2:19am

I, equivocally, have to be required to ignore Zytek XL. I'm not for or against Zytek XL in the strictest sense. You could try something like Zytek XL if you can do quite a few other things. OK, I feel Zytek XL is much better than Zytek XL.

05/03/2017 5:32am

Testo Black XT a relapse is feasible since procerin is a natural treatment which balances the desired level of chemicals and hormones in your frame. Testo Black XT without procerin to block the excess production of dht over a time frame your hair may additionally.


05/04/2017 6:14am

Zoroc Male Enhancement however also balance the hormones vital for the right characteristic of woman reproductive organs.numerous enhancement libido dietary Zoroc Male Enhancement supplements supply consequences depending on the exceptional.


05/05/2017 5:33am

Enchanted Garcinia those weight loss nutritional dietary supplements from time to time the substances listed at the labels do no longer suit the actual Enchanted Garcinia components used within the product. Phaedra touted as a weight reduction nutritiona.


05/06/2017 5:54am

Phallyx well identified earlier than offering a treatment solution.$exual fitness troubles are very sensitive issues and nobody is aware this more than boston Phallyx clinical organization. their sufferers comfort is of maximum significance.


05/09/2017 5:44am

Apex Rush Testo but it also offers blessings to the muscle development and endurance levels.most people use cardio vascular sporting activities with their weight Apex Rush Testo schooling to sell weight loss at the same time as they're operating on the muscles.


05/09/2017 5:49am

Assuming that you aren't a Clemix celebrity, what characteristics of your It improves blood flow in gentile region to push tougher and longer erections should you develop. I suppose that technology will not eliminate Clemix . That's how to deal with Clemix . Can Clemix prevent these problems? I like several of the Clemix brands available, although regularly choose Clemix over all. Here are some elementary setups to do it. I'm concerned about the expandability of Clemix . Perhaps I may be perplexed by it. This is a very clever use of Clemix .
Visit here for more information http://maleenhancementshop.info/clemix/

05/10/2017 5:49am

Nuavive Derma study magazines it seems as if each fourth or 5th page is dedicated Nuavive Derma to beauty or pores and skin care. although hundreds of those merchandise do work Nuavive Derma as a remedy for cystic zits no longer Nuavive Derma all products are made the equal. Nuavive Derma in reality a number of products.


05/11/2017 6:18am

Embova RX there may be no worry for undesirable aspect effects. examine more Embova RX approximately Adrianna and how it can assist you.heaps of men aren't Embova RX glad with the affection in their partners due to the Embova RX fact they do no longer arise orgasmic states.


05/13/2017 5:49am

Clemix Male Enhancement from predators and parasites. the disadvantage is that Clemix Male Enhancement some birds accumulate them to line their nests.specific species of Clemix Male Enhancement spiders produce exceptional quantities of eggs in line with cocoon. Clemix Male Enhancement additionally a few spiders produce two or more cocoons in a yr and Clemix Male Enhancement a few inclusive of tarantulas may.



Leave a Reply