When I began this site and this blog, I also created a presence on social media, on facebook, pinterest and twitter.  It's fun to connect with people and find out what they're thinking.  It's what I see on twitter that has me wondering about the state of the union in terms of men and women.
When I see posts about the positive nature of chivalry, or posts from women who ask where they might find men who offer it, responses often range from negative to outright vile.  I understand that the anonymous nature of comments on the Internet allow an unfiltered flood of comments, but that's precisely my point.  The unfiltered opinions as so hateful.  How come so many men hold on to a position where they approach life as if women are the enemy and are trying to take things away from men?
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Men will respond that women killed chivalry with their demands for equal rights, or that women walk all over guys who treat them nicely.  If they wrote it as a straightforward comment perhaps it could be of service in creating some dialogue but all too many comments devolve into calling women b**ches, h**s or worse.  It's with anger and hate that these men talk abut women.  So how do these men expect women to respond back?

Unless all these men are gay, which doesn't seem to be their case, it would seem that they would generally want to end up with a woman at some point in time for some sort of interaction.  If that's the theory, what does it say about these guys if they are chasing after these same people they consider to be b**ches or h**s?  If what you seek is so low on the scale, you are saying something about yourself and your own standards.


Woan yelling her position
Before this seems like a rant against men who have angry comments toward women, the fairer sex doesn't always uphold the highest approach either.  Posts from women will make vile accusations against men as well.  Some will use outright profanity when talking about men who don't offer chivalry to them.  Others will use profanity or other crass name-calling to berate men who want to offer chivalry to them. 

For the women who would like to receive some nicer treatment, how could using profanity in their questions possibly be seen as the ladylike behavior that would attract positive attention from a gentleman?  To me it shows a crass side that reveals an unpleasant and unattractive aspect of the woman's character.
For the women opposed to chivalry with the view that it demeans them, if the aim is to get men to understand, does telling them to crawl back under rocks engender men listening or just getting defensive?
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We live in times when there are all kinds of challenges for people, where relationships are not always easy to start or maintain, and where there are larger issues to life thnt whether a man opens a door for a woman.  Wouldn't both men and women benefit by seeing each other as parts of solutions and being able to come together in respectful and rational ways as opposed to retreating to opposing sides and resorting to warfare against the opposite gender?  We have many common reasons to want things better for each of us, why not see us as uniting instead of battling?

It's the only way things get better for both: for women and for men.
 


Comments

06/02/2015 6:05pm

There are a lot of Catch-22's out there, John; I run into some of them in my own marriage.

What my hubby and I have concluded is this: The best way to be gracious and helpful toward each other is to ASK if help is wanted.

Sometimes I'll try to be helpful without being asked, only to discover I actually made things more difficult for Joseph. And sometimes he does the same to me. Now, more often than not, we remember to ask each other if a certain action would be helpful; this results in minimal aggravation and maximum appreciation!

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06/05/2015 1:16am

Thanks for your comment, Kathleen. You are certainly raising valid points. The idea that any of us can be mindreaders is one we all realize is kind of absurd if we really examine it. Communication is always key to a relationship developing and improving.

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Thanks for keeping things civil! I think that it's always important to keep things polite, it makes a good compromise easier to achieve. We should all agree to play nicely.

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06/05/2015 1:21am

Thanks, Dorothy, I appreciate the comment. There'll always be disagreements and different points of view of course, but expressing things in demeaning and destructive ways leads to more problems rather than solutions.

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06/09/2015 12:59pm

I love that you have opened up this conversation in such a gentle way John. Blame and resentment seems to have become a real default way of dealing with issues in relationships and yet we all seem capable of agreeing that they solve nothing. Is it fear? Is it habituated? It's hard to say but I do know that the first place we need to be looking is at our selves. Being kind, compassionate and thoughtful of other human beings is something both genders could use a little more of. Beautifully written John!

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06/19/2015 1:20pm

Thanks, Bonnie. So much of our culture seems to be based on fear of losing out, fear of not having enough, fear that if others get a bigger share ours has to diminish. I don't claim to be a saint and to never have had these kinds of feelings myself, but I see how destructive it is in so many aspects of our lives when we pit any one of our groups against others, whether it's about gender, race, age, ethnicity. As long as there's an "us against them" mentality both sides will see it as grabbing for the same stuff and having to battle, rather than finding ways to grow the abundance so more can share.

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06/21/2015 1:48pm

John,
Love this post. I have to say I'm married to my soulmate who from day1 was and is the definition of chivalry. Always opening the door for me, flowers, and truly loves to do things for me. I have so many friends who say this is dead and yet I see other women who can't stand being around a man who opens the door for them. I guess it is opinion, but for me it is a sign of respect. I like the way you closed the blog We have many common reasons to want things better for each of us, why not see us as uniting instead of battling? I agree!

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steven rettig
02/12/2016 4:14am

We men have enough troubles without having to play "keep calm, and tie ourselves in knots making her happy".

If wonen want kindness, tough! No one's making us men happy...

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06/15/2016 3:10am

It's really only way things get better for both!

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